How Much Should You Tell People About Wedding Planning?

What you should and should not talk about when it comes to the big day.

How Much Should You Tell People About Wedding Planning?

Photo: Samuel Lippke Studios

dos and don'ts of discussing wedding planning with other people
Photo by Samuel Lippke Studios; Floral Design by The Hidden Garden

After you get engaged, you’re not only thrown into the world of wedding planning, but also the world of etiquette. The average person does not deal with strict rules of etiquette often in their daily life – though common sense politeness is important no matter who you are – but it suddenly becomes pertinent as you are preparing to get married. Not only is it difficult to suddenly learn all of this information, but also there is the fact that those around you are likely even less familiar with these societal standards. You may find that people you are not intending to invite to the wedding keep asking how planning is going. Or perhaps prospective guests have inquired about certain details, and you’re not sure if it’s supposed to be a surprise. 

When it comes to people who will be attending, feel free to share what you are comfortable with, as long as it’s also okay with your future partner. However, say you want to keep your dress a secret from everyone outside the bridal party and your mom. If someone asks about it, be polite. Something along the lines of, “I’m trying to keep it under wraps for now, but I’m so excited for you to see it on the big day!” should suffice. 

What gets trickier is those questions from acquaintances who you were not able to add to the guest list. Anything that feels like they are angling for an invitation has to be handled deftly. Mentioning the desire for an intimate gathering of close friends and family or the size of your venue – followed by changing the subject – can help. If the person in question clearly doesn’t seem to expect an invitation but is just excited to talk about weddings, then feel free to talk about details! Particularly if they are getting married as well, you can exchange tips and even vendor recommendations. 

Whether invited or not, there is one aspect of wedding planning that you should avoid with just about everyone: the budget. Unless the person you are talking to is contributing to the fund, it is typically considered gauche to discuss the financial aspects of planning. Depending on your spending limit and crowd, it will often sound like you are either bragging or hoping for pity. 

Discover the wedding rules that were made to be broken and what mistakes one guest is almost certain to make.