How to Ask Your Flower Girl & Ring Bearer to Be in the Wedding

Find out how to ask your favorite little ones to be a part of your big day.

After getting engaged, it’s time for some proposals of your own. Once you settle in and start the planning process, you’ll probably want to ask people to join your wedding party! Perhaps you’ve already pinned precious ways to propose to your bridesmaids, but have you thought of how to ask the littlest attendants? Because you’re dealing with children, the etiquette and methods involved in the request is different than asking adults. The variety of ages for children that can be a flower girl or ring bearer also have an effect on how to go about such a proposal. Asking a two-year-old to be in your wedding is a very different task than asking an eight-year-old! If you’re not sure what’s necessary or proper, read the below tips to find out how to ask a child to be a flower girl or ring bearer for your ceremony. 

bride and groom with cute vintage inspired flower girl and ring bearer outfits
Photo by Coco Tran

Find out how to ask your flower girl or ring bearer to be in the wedding by reading the below tips:

- Ask permission. First things first, ask the child's parents if they are okay with it. Generally the parents are responsible for the child's attire, so be upfront with what the expectations and responsibilities will be.
- Explain who else is involved. If you are having more than one flower girl or ring bearer, let them know that's the case. Kids can get jealous, especially if they thought they were the only special one.
- Wait it out. As long as the parents are given proper notice, don't ask the little ones until a few months before the wedding. Over a year is a long time to wait if you're five!
- Send them a book. There are children's books that explain the role of a ring bearer or flower girl, which acts both as a gift and as a way for the child to understand what they are being asked.
- Don't worry about toddlers. If they are younger than three, you really don't need to say anything. Consider waiting until closer to the wedding to let them know, so they have a higher chance of understanding what the role means.
- Make it special. A little gift box or card will make the wedding day more fun, plus it's a tangible reminder.
- Include them. Especially if the flower girl or ring bearer is old enough to understand the meaning of the celebration, it's a nice gesture to invite them to get ready with the bridesmaids and even have their hair and makeup done with the group.

For more inspiration, discover unique tasks for your flower girl and ring bearer, find out how to choose their outfits, and see photos of brides with their flower girls to get ideas for your own wedding album.

Authored by: Emily Lasnier