What You Should and Shouldn't Do While Writing Your Own Vows

Make people tear up, not cringe, through your ceremony.

For many affianced couples, one of the biggest goals when planning a wedding is making sure the event really represents who they are as a pair. While the design elements of the day are of course a large part of this, the ceremony itself also gives lovebirds an opportunity to express themselves – through their vows.

dos and don'ts of writing your own vows
Photo by Carasco Photography

Writing your own vows has become increasingly popular over the years. Even those who choose to exchange traditional vows affiliated with their religion will often add a moment to read their own sentiments during the ceremony. For some brides and grooms, writing their vows comes naturally and they can’t think of a better way to showcase the love they have for their partner. But many others – whose love is no less deep – struggle to put their emotions into words.

Even if you think you know exactly what to write, read our guide of dos and don’ts below to make sure everyone finds your vows as touching as you do. 

- Do take this responsibility seriously. Your vows should be personal and meaningful; as well as specific to who you are as a couple.
- Don’t be afraid to add some comic relief. Your ceremony shouldn’t be a stand-up set, but a bit of humor will help you keep the tears at bay.
- Do consult with each other so that you and your future spouse are on the same page in terms of length and tone.
- Don’t share the actual vows with one another. If that’s really what seems right to you as a couple, feel free, but won’t it have that much more of an impact if you hear each other’s vows for the first time on your wedding day?
- Do rehearse saying them out loud, whether it’s via a recording, to a close friend, or even just in a mirror. The more comfortable you feel with the words, the smoother everything will go.
- Don’t wait until the last minute. Since the only real deadline is the ceremony, it’s easy to keep putting it off, but you’re sure to regret spending the morning of your big day trying to figure out what to say.

Discover the familial traditions real brides used in their ceremony and find out the pros and cons of writing your own vows.

Authored by: Emily Lasnier