One of the most common things heard in the wedding industry, or even in a couple’s personal planning process, is that a wedding is “the bride’s day.” At the same time, there are numerous articles, message board threads, TV shows, and movies discussing and bemoaning the “bridezilla.” This is unfair to brides, who have society telling them this is their only chance to act like a princess, and then punishing them if their behavior comes across as entitled. Considering that, the double standard is only one of the reasons the term “the bride’s day” should no longer be used. Perhaps if the wedding world didn’t put the sole focus on the bride, there would be fewer viral stories about the unbelievable demands a normally reasonable woman makes in regards to her big day.
A wedding is, at its core, two people celebrating their commitment and love for one another. Two people exchange vows, and the wedding should celebrate both of them. Most likely, the groom is the one who proposed. Considering he asked for his bride’s hand in marriage, it’s logical that he should want to be at least somewhat involved in the wedding. Often brides will point out that their fiancé has no interest in the planning process; however, because of societal pressure, some grooms may assume that their opinion is not wanted or necessary. Be sure to communicate that you want him to be involved as well, and he just may warm up to the idea. Not everything in the wedding has to be about the couple as a unit, but there should be a healthy balance. For example, if the wedding is in the bride’s hometown, perhaps the menu can represent the groom’s heritage. Compromise is important in a relationship, and just as important during the wedding planning process.
While it’s important to incorporate the groom’s thoughts into the wedding, it’s still not just about him and the bride. Unless you’re eloping – in which case, do whatever you want – a wedding is also about the guests. If people are being unreasonable and overly demanding, you do not have to give in. However, it is still proper to be considerate of your friends and family attending the celebration. Get a corsage for your grandmother if it’s important to her, let your bridesmaids bring comfortable shoes for the reception, and honor your family in the program. If you’ve ever wondered why many circles consider things like cash bars or time gaps between the ceremony and reception to be gauche, that is why: because it implies that the couple is not thinking of their guests.
Opening photo by Lucas Rossi