Wedding Decisions to Make with Your Partner Before You Start Planning

Some brides have been planning this day long before they became engaged – and maybe even before they met their future spouse. While you’re likely excited to begin the first steps of wedding planning, it’s important to take a step back and make sure you’re on the same page with your future spouse from the start. This will help avoid future arguments, so you can enjoy your engagement bliss throughout the planning process!

Photo by Sabrina Ryan; Planning & Design by Bluebell Events; From Real Wedding: A Dark & Moody Modern Wedding at a Malibu Ranch

An Introduction to Wedding Planning

Embarking on the wedding-planning process is both thrilling and a bit daunting, as there are countless details to consider before you walk down the aisle. From choosing your wedding date and envisioning your dream wedding ceremony to selecting the perfect reception venue and trusted wedding vendors, every decision plays a part in creating your ideal wedding day.

Staying organized is key, and many couples find that working with a wedding planner or utilizing a wedding website or software that assists you in planning the big day helps keep the planning process on track. These resources can assist with everything from managing your seating chart to tracking RSVPs, staying on top of your wedding budget, and managing vendor contracts. By starting to plan a wedding early and breaking the process into manageable steps, you’ll ensure that every aspect of your celebration – from the ceremony to the last dance – is thoughtfully arranged and truly memorable.

Photo by Marco Wang Photography; Planning & Design by Ann Whittington Events; From Real Wedding: Bride Wears Colorful Floral Appliqué Wedding Dress for Houston Wedding

Have These Conversations with Your Future Spouse

Before you dive into the wedding-planning process, however, take time to sit down with your future spouse and talk through your hopes and expectations for the big day. Open communication is essential for making sure you’re both on the same page about your wedding vision, whether that means a grand celebration or a more intimate affair. Discuss what you each imagine for your wedding party, the overall style and atmosphere, and the size of your guest list.

Sharing your priorities and any must-haves early on will help you navigate the planning process together and avoid misunderstandings down the road. By working as a team and respecting each other’s wishes, you’ll set the tone for a joyful and collaborative wedding planning journey.

Photo by Moosho Khachikyan; Planning & Design by Edgar Hay Events; From Real Wedding: A Luxurious White, Gold, and Greenery Wedding in California

Many brides may feel that their grooms aren’t particularly interested in planning; though, it’s important to remember that it’s your day as a couple. Check in with your fiancé before you start booking wedding vendors and deciding on a theme to ensure your day represents you as a couple. If they don’t want to be involved, that’s okay! See if they have a list of three must-haves (ex. live band, great food, and/or a special signature cocktail) – even the smallest of details can be reflective of you both, even if you do end up having the pretty-in-pink wedding you’ve always dreamed of.

No matter your relationship dynamic, it’s important that everyone’s feelings are taken into account so no one is resentful of a wedding that isn’t what they hoped to have. Taking proactive steps to plan your own wedding will help ensure the day truly reflects both you and your soon to be spouse. Here are some topics that every couple should discuss before you start wedding planning:

Wedding Budget

While one or both sets of parents may be able to contribute to your big day, you two should first decide what you are personally willing to contribute. When setting your budget, remember to account for key purchases like wedding rings and wedding bands, and plan to buy wedding bands early to avoid last-minute stress. Depending on how your conversation with your parents or family goes, this initial discussion will help keep the overall spending limit of the day under control from the start.

Location & Venue Type

You don’t have to choose a wedding venue right away; however, it is important to start researching locations and wedding venues early in the planning process to ensure availability and in order to find the best fit for your needs. This will be one of the most important decisions you’ll make, so having a discussion early on is a must.

Have you always wanted to get married in the church or temple you grew up attending? Does your spouse-to-be want to have a ballroom wedding at a hotel that means a lot to you as a couple? As you narrow down your venue options, consider reserving a hotel room block for out-of-town guests to simplify accommodations and logistics.

You may not be on the same page right away, but talking through various scenarios will help when it comes to making the ultimate venue choice that will set the tone for the entire celebration. As you plan, it’s also a good idea to start thinking about your honeymoon destination to ensure a seamless transition from your wedding day to your first trip as a married couple.

Photo by John Cain Photography; From Real Wedding: A Spring "Secret Garden" Missouri Wedding in the Ozarks

Wedding Traditions & Customs

There may be family or cultural customs you want to include, but even just standard wedding customs and traditions are worth discussing.

When planning your marriage ceremony, consider important details such as if you'll be selecting ceremony musicians to set the tone and ambience for your special day. Maybe you like the convenience of the “first look” while he’s had his heart set on first seeing you as you walk down the aisle.

It will help the planning process if you know any “must have” wedding ceremony traditions and wedding customs early on in the process. Also, don’t forget to research and obtain your marriage license in advance to ensure your marriage is legally recognized.

General Size & Guest Count

The number of wedding guests is a major factor that will influence many aspects of your planning, from the venue to the overall atmosphere. Some couples love the idea of a big family wedding, while others have only ever dreamed of eloping or hosting an intimate destination wedding.

Choosing a small wedding can create a more personal and relaxed experience, allowing you to focus on meaningful moments with your closest loved ones; while a large wedding with everyone you know and love is a choice many couples make.

Decide what’s truly important to you both – if your opinions differ, try to find a middle ground so there is zero resentment before, during, or after your wedding day. As you finalize your guest list, remember to consider the involvement of other family members and how their presence and support can make your celebration even more special.

Photo by Amy Golding Photography; Venue: The Lodge at Torrey Pines; From Real Wedding: Outdoor Spring Wedding Under a Canopy of Lights at The Lodge at Torrey Pines

Wedding Vision

Start by gathering inspiration from magazines, social media, and real wedding photos to help define your wedding vision and discover what resonates with both of you.

People often assume that grooms don’t have any thoughts regarding how their wedding will look. Sometimes that really is true and other times grooms want to be involved in every design detail. Don’t assume how your spouse-to-be feels – talk it out and you may be surprised. If your beloved has no interest, consider having them choose between two options that you equally love throughout the process, so they’re somehow involved without you having to sacrifice your vision.

Use the wedding inspiration you’ve collected to guide your decisions and create the perfect wedding that reflects both of your personalities and style.

Wedding Priorities

Setting priorities is an essential wedding step in the overall planning process, helping you organize what matters most as you begin your journey together.

Regardless of how involved you both will be in the process, you’ll definitely have to make some compromises. Planning a wedding will be a great start to your marriage – learning to communicate, work together, and create an event that’s a reflection of your love and the joining of your families. If you each share your priorities for the day, you can always look back on these when needing to make a decision.

Remember to revisit your wedding plans regularly to ensure you both stay aligned and make informed choices as you move forward.

Photo by Shannon Skloss; Floral & Event Design by Bella Flora of Dallas; From Real Wedding: "Romantic Garden Party" Wedding with Hints of Blue in Texas

Planning Pre-Wedding Events

Pre-wedding events are a wonderful way to celebrate your upcoming nuptials with friends and family before the wedding day arrives. From the excitement of your engagement party to the fun of bachelorette parties and the warmth of a bridal shower, these gatherings help build anticipation and create lasting memories.

As you plan these pre-wedding events, consider how they fit with your overall wedding theme, guest list, and budget. Enlisting the help of a wedding planner or a trusted friend or family member can make organizing these celebrations much easier, ensuring that each event runs smoothly and reflects your personal style. Thoughtful planning will allow you to enjoy every moment, knowing that each pre-wedding event is a special part of your wedding planning process.

Working with Wedding Vendors

Your wedding vendors are the creative partners who will help bring your wedding vision to life, from the floral arrangements to the catering and photography. Take the time to research and meet with potential vendors to find professionals who understand your wedding style and can work within your budget.

Clear communication is key – be upfront about your expectations and preferences, and make sure every detail is outlined in your contracts. Don’t hesitate to ask questions or provide feedback throughout the planning process to ensure your wedding day unfolds just as you imagined. By building strong relationships with your wedding vendors, you’ll feel confident that your special day will be beautifully executed and truly unforgettable.

Opening photo by Amy Anaiz Photography; For more from this engagement shoot, see: A Romantic Engagement Session in Central Park