How to Set Boundaries for Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties

Read tips on talking to your sweetie about thoughts and feelings on your respective celebrations.

When it comes to discussing your bachelor or bachelorette party with your significant other, there are five main points to keep in mind.

Photo: Ira Lippke Studios

We’ve all heard the bachelor/bachelorette trope “it’s your last night of freedom,” and some brides and grooms like to take that notion and run with it. Though we disagree with the logic of the phrase – as, presumably, you’ve been committed to your love for some time now – the excitement that comes with planning a fun-filled bachelor or bachelorette party is a feeling we celebrate.

Of course, with the popularity of “wilder” weekend bashes – such as the bachelor party portrayed in the movie The Hangover – some future spouses have reservations about their sweethearts attending this kind of celebration. When it comes to discussing your bachelor or bachelorette party with your significant other, there are five main points to keep in mind. Additionally, because bridesmaids, groomsmen, or other close friends and family will be planning this celebration, both spouses-to-be should share this information with the coordinators following their talk.

-  Have a good, long think about any concerns you may have going into the weekend. Before you sit down with your partner to chat about the event, take some time to yourself to recognize what you’d like to get across. If possible, imagine listening to your bride or groom recounting the weekend’s activities upon their return – consider how you’d feel about the mention of certain aspects, such as drinking or strip clubs – and realistically gauge your emotions. It’s important to know exactly what you feel uneasy about before approaching your beloved about the party.

-  Make the difference between what you’re comfortable with and what you’re not comfortable with abundantly clear. When you talk with your partner about their fête, it pays to be crystal clear of your thoughts and feelings. If you’re uncomfortable with the idea of a strip club, or have certain limitations to what’s done, communicate that in a hard-and-fast way. It’s no benefit to you or your sweetie when you use “wishy-washy” terms or flat-out conceal any reservations you may have. Be honest and upfront, while also remembering how much you love and trust your partner.

-  Plan both parties for the same day(s). It is much easier for both parties to create a fun, energetic atmosphere when the other isn’t simply waiting around at home. Both your minds will not have time to dwell on what the other is doing; you’ll be far too busy enjoying your own soirée to be concerned. Additionally, you can schedule a check-in time each day – with a few texts or a phone call – to stay connected: otherwise, you can implement a “no contact” rule for the duration of the event.

-  Organize both events in a similar fashion. If the two of you have similar tastes in recreational activities, encourage your wedding party to set up parties that mirror each other. Of course, this point only works if everyone is in agreement about the definition of “party.” For example, if you’re a more low-key couple with a penchant for relaxation, agree to take trips to hotels, resorts, or wineries for laid-back celebrations filled with massages and lazy dips in the pool. If you desire a more upbeat, lively atmosphere, plan trips to high-energy towns such as Las Vegas or Atlantic City for plenty of dancing and gambling. If your events have similar itineraries, you’ll essentially know what your sweetheart is up to at all times without having to consistently check in.

-  As with all aspects of marriage, communication and compromise are key. Keep the lines of communication open at all times – it very well may happen that your level of comfort changes before the big weekend. You always want to keep a policy of respect and honesty in your relationship, especially now that you’re preparing to wed, so let your beloved know how you’re feeling. Additionally, remember that this event is intended for fun and togetherness with close friends: be open to your spouse-to-be’s wants and opinions. Don’t compromise your comfort, but don’t immediately dismiss plans without hearing their reasoning. Trust in your partner and in the strength of your bond with one another.

Read fun ideas for a combined bachelor and bachelorette party, see exciting alternatives to the typical “bar hop” event, and discover 12 fantastic locations for your destination bachelorette bash!