As a single person, bringing guests to a wedding can be a tricky process. As the couple, the decision to offer a “plus one” to your unattached attendees can be a difficult one, and as a friend or relative, how do you know if you can bring a date? We’ve broken down the common rules regarding this popular conundrum to ease your mind and help you stay organized.
If You’re a Bride/Groom:
- It is not required that you give the option to truly single guests. No matter what your third cousin might say, it is not uncouth to limit your guest list. If you feel disinclined to allow your unattached friends or relatives to bring a date, per financial or personal reasoning, simply address the invitation to the invited person only: friends and family should be aware that this means they cannot bring someone along.
- People in relationships aren't getting "plus ones," they're bringing an invited guest. If you extend an invitation to a friend or family member that is involved with someone, it is etiquette that you address both parties by name and make room on your guest list for their significant other. Your cousin's boyfriend is not her "plus one," he is an invited attendee of your big day. This rule stands for everyone that considers themselves to be romantically attached: you as the bride or groom does not get to define how serious each person's relationship might be.
- But be prepared for a few adjustments. Presuming your invites are sent out well before the wedding date, you’re likely to encounter a few shake-ups in the list of attendees, and you should anticipate the need to make changes. Couples can break up, people may fall ill, someone might be called away for work – you can never know for sure. Be open to switching things around with guests, including any “plus ones,” within reason.
If You’re an Attendee:
- Take the wording of the invitation as law. If it's not stated in plain calligraphy anywhere on the cardstock – oftentimes the couple will note that they have "2 seats reserved in your honor" – do not assume you can bring a date. If the wording is somehow confusing, it’s okay to ask the couple for clarification.
- If you're single, don’t automatically expect to be given a “plus one.” Though it is a nice gesture from the engaged pair, it isn't always feasible to give a "plus one" option to all single friends and family members. Delay inquiring about the schedules of the people in your life until you're sure you are free to bring a companion.
- Do not request to bring a guest. If it comes out that you were not given a "plus one," do not ask the bride or groom to change their minds. This is their decision, and it should be observed and respected. Instead, reach out to others invited – chances are, they'll be additional singles or close friends that you can spend quality time with during the celebration.
- Take care of the gift. Assuming that the couple will not know your guest well, do not ask them to chip in for a wedding present. Whether or not you should add their name to the gift is entirely up to you and your guests’ familiarity with the pair.
- Introduce them. If time permits for the newlywed couple, be sure to introduce your date to the couple during their reception. They deserve to shake the hand of a witness to their nuptials!
Opening photo by Thisbe Grace Photography