Pros & Cons: Spending the Night Before the Vows with Your Love

The perks and drawbacks of bucking tradition and staying together before the big day.

Pros & Cons: Spending the Night Before the Vows with Your Love

Photo: Callaway Gable

When it comes to wedding traditions, you and your future spouse have a lot of choices to make. Is being married in a church/temple/religiously significant place important to you? Do you want your father to walk you down the aisle? Is a first dance really required? Many of these questions pop up for the day of your nuptials, but there is one question that needs to be addressed prior: will you and your love spend the night before your wedding separated or together?

Traditionally, couples part ways after the rehearsal dinner and join up with their bridesmaids and groomsmen – and/or close family members – to be apart until they see one another during the ceremony. Of course, nowadays, having a “first look” is gaining popularity, so why shouldn’t you question the custom of staying separated for the night? To help you and your sweetheart decide, we’ve complied a list of the pros and cons of spending the night with your future spouse before the big day.


-  You’ll get alone time during the calm before the storm. As you’ve likely heard, during your big day, you’ll actually spend very little quality time with your significant other. While the reflection time post-event is lovely, a decompressing session with your love in the hours before you wake up to organized chaos might be just what both of you need. Take the time to appreciate the quiet and revel in the fact that you’ve created something wonderful – just relax and enjoy each other’s company.

-  It can soothe your pre-wedding jitters. If you have any nerves about the day – being the center of attention, something going wrong, etc. – who better to calm you than your husband- or wife-to-be? Chances are, you’re both going to be experiencing a little anxiety in tandem with your excitement, so the normalcy of falling asleep next to your sweetie might help your mind to settle.

-  Both of you can refocus on the core of your big day: each other. With all of the planning, the scheduling, and the slew of other people you’ve been interacting with, a night of solitude with your love will remind you of the purpose behind it all. You can talk and laugh and remember why you did all of this prep work to begin with – it’s so easy to forget during the process, so this is a chance to refocus your energy on your relationship.


-  The “big reveal” could lose a little significance. If you’ve built up that moment when you see your beloved in full wedding attire for the first time in your head, there’s a chance that spending the evening – and the subsequent morning – together might take away from that. There’s just something about being apart for a day that makes that tender moment all the more special.

-  You won’t get the chance to be with close family or friends. On your last night as a fiancé(e), it may be meaningful to spend the time with your close friends. You can easily tailor the evening to your collective taste: a slumber party with your bridesmaids, a late-night poker game with your groomsmen, a short trip to the bar with your nearest and dearest, or even a simple night with your parents. Spending the evening with your future spouse may leave your loves ones to have a night like these without you.

-  The excitement might prevent you both from resting up. Spending the night alone, with your parents, or even with your good friends, you may be able to police your bedtime more effectively. There’s a chance you and your sweetheart will start chatting and not be able to stop, since you’re likely both feeling the same butterflies and nervous energy. Your mother, father, or close friend will have less trouble telling you when it’s time to sleep – you don’t want to be exhausted before your wedding even begins!

Find out how to write a meaningful love letter to your beloved on the big day, read about the best energy boosters for brides, and get inspired by beautiful shots of brides and grooms getting ready for their nuptials!

Opening photo by Callaway Gable