Today’s rehearsal dinners are an option that some brides and grooms choose to forgo – whether it’s due to timing, budget, or another extenuating factor. It’s true that the one-time wedding formality has drifted in recent years, as couples are now planning for longer nuptials and feel a dinner may be unnecessary. However, pairs who have families that haven’t met, relatives coming in from far and wide, or a penchant for pre-parties are holding fast to this practice – with their own personal touches.
Of course, as with any custom, there is certain decorum to follow – even in modern times. If you and your beloved choose to host a rehearsal dinner, we recommend keeping these dos and don’ts in mind:
- DO treat the event like a celebration, not a rehearsal. Traditionally, the get-together was planned immediately following the run-through of the ceremony processional – typically the night before the wedding – as a “last supper” before marriage. If your focus of the evening revolves around explaining the next day’s schedule in detail with your bridal party and family, you’re essentially having a “working dinner.” Ideally, you will give out any extra information your party may require, but you’ll be more interested in toasting your fast-approaching nuptials and thanking the people helping to make it happen. You deserve to shake off some of those jitters and have fun with the people you care about.
- DON’T call it a “dinner” if it doesn’t include a full menu. When sending invitations, speaking about it with those on the guest list, and referencing the event to your planner, keep in mind the meal options: if you’re serving hors d’oeuvres and appetizers – or if the gathering will not include food – we suggest naming the celebration aptly. A “Rehearsal Cocktail Party” or “Rehearsal Game Night” both sound charming and will give your friends and family the assumption that they will need to eat beforehand. Additionally, for good measure, you may want to explicitly state your menu – or lack thereof – to attendees prior.
- DO send invites around the same time as your wedding invitations. As with your big day, people will need advanced notice to clear their schedules, particularly if the celebration falls on a Friday evening and many are coming in from out of town. Notifying them early will ensure a more organized and complete list of attendees – from which you can determine who needs the “day of” information sent to them, and who will be able to hear the overview at the dinner.
- DON’T include the bridal party exclusively. As previously mentioned, the reasoning behind hosting this gathering shouldn’t be strictly practical – you should want to praise everyone assisting with your stroll down the aisle. More than likely, your bridesmaids and groomsmen are not the only ones who have done legwork: parents, grandparents, spouses, even your officiant should be included. Though not all will accept the invitation, it’s also polite to invite out-of-town relatives to thank them for making the trip. The rehearsal dinner is much less formal than the reception meal, so the more the merrier!
- DO remember to include grateful speeches. It is appropriate – and encouraged – to make a toast to your guests at some point in the evening. If, per tradition, the groom’s parents are hosting, they will likely want to say a few words. As you don’t have as strict of an itinerary for this event, others have time to chime in as well.
- DON’T plan it for the night before if that doesn’t work for you. If you’re trying to remain as close to ritualistic as possible, you’re going to want to choose the night before you tie the knot as your rehearsal dinner date; however, we recommend reviewing your calendar and your style to make a personalized decision. For example, if your gal pals want to throw you a fête on your last night as a single woman, don’t feel obligated to insist they reschedule. Similarly, if you and your sweetheart want to make your “first look” special by spending the days leading up to the ceremony separated, you can select a date the weekend before for this get-together. But remember: this may eliminate the possibility for out-of-town guests to attend.
To create an unforgettable evening, check out our rehearsal dinner style ideas and our rehearsal dinner inspiration board. Discover our expert advice on etiquette rules for the wedding party and the parents of the bride and groom!
Opening photo by Vue Photography