What Your Bridesmaids Should Know Before Planning Your Shower

It will help them to have a little input from the guest of honor.

Common wedding etiquette indicates that a bride should never host or plan her own bridal shower. In your efforts to not seem demanding, here are our tips for brides and bridesmaids on hosting a fête you’ve always imagined.

Photo: Brett Hickman Photographers

Common wedding etiquette indicates that a bride should never host or plan her own bridal shower. The reason for this is that, unlike a bachelorette or engagement party, the entire purpose of a bridal shower is to “shower” the host of honor with gifts. As a result, organizing such a soirée for yourself is seen as a gauche way to ask for presents. In decades past, it was also seen as improper for the mother to throw a shower, as it was expected that the bride was still living at home until marriage. Since this is no longer the case for many women, some social circles are more relaxed on this policy. 

However, it’s still most common for the maid of honor or bridesmaids to offer to throw a shower. While the discourse online will frequently note that you should not expect such things from your bridesmaids, it’s likely that at one point they will ask about a bridal shower. In your efforts to not seem demanding, don’t forget to actually provide the information they need to host the fête you’ve imagined.

bridal shower planning tips, info your bridesmaids need to plan a bridal shower

Photo by Melody Melikian Photography; Floral Design by Eddie Zaratsian Lifestyle and Design

The Guest List
For starters, they need to know the guest list. Taking a stab at that can be very risky, particularly when it comes to including the right relatives from your future spouse’s family. Don’t forget the addresses too! If you have a few different social circles, the host of your shower may not have a way to contact prospective attendees on their own.

Prospective Dates
Knowing when to host the party is key as well. It’s one thing to share when you’re going to be out of town, but your bridesmaids may not know that August is a busy time at work. Offer a few options so they can figure out what works best with their own schedules. 

Preferred Details
As long as they ask for input, it’s okay to share a theme you’ve always dreamed of or a preferred color scheme. Just try not to micromanage – because remember, you’re not the one planning!

What You Don't Want
If you have anything you absolutely dread about bridal showers – perhaps a particular game you played at one in the past – then speak up. The last thing anyone wants is for you to be miserable at your own party. 

For more tips, find out what pre-wedding events are necessary, what to do at a coed shower, and get ideas for bridal shower themes and activities.