How to Ask Your Flower Girl & Ring Bearer to Be in the Wedding

Even if you’ve already pinned precious ways to propose to your bridesmaids and the groomsmen are selected, have you thought of how to ask your flower girl and ring bearer to be a special party of the day?

How do you ask a girl to be your flower girl? How do you ask a boy to be your ring bearer?

How to ask flower girl attendants to be in your wedding is a common question among brides, and there are many ways to ask your flower girl or even create a "flower girl proposal" complete with a "Will you be my flower girl?" gift leading up to the big day. Just as you would with your bridal party, consider how you would want to be asked if you were in their position. The same goes for your ring bearers!

However, it's important to consider that because you’re dealing with children, the etiquette and methods involved in the request is different than asking adults. The variety of ages for children that can be flower girls or ring bearers also have an effect on how to go about such a flower-girl proposal or ring-bearer proposal. Asking a two-year-old to be in your wedding is a very different task than asking an eight-year-old!

If you’re not sure what’s necessary or proper leading up to the big day, read the below tips to find out how to ask a child to be a flower girl or ring bearer for your ceremony. There's not one right way per se, but following the below guidelines will be helpful for asking your littlest attendants to be part of the wedding day.

Photo by Coco Tran; From Real Wedding: Alfresco Black-Tie Wedding at a Historic Property in the Bay Area

Find out how to ask your flower girl or ring bearer to be in the wedding by reading the below tips:

Ask permission.

First things first, ask the child's parents to make sure they are okay with it. Generally the parents are responsible for the child's attire (think: flower girl dress and ring bearer tuxedo or ensemble) for the big day, so be upfront with what the expectations and responsibilities will be so they know what's involved with the dress-up part of the job.

Explain who else is involved.

If you are having more than one flower girl or ring bearer, let them know that's the case. Kids can get jealous, especially if they thought they were the only special one. It's best to be upfront and it's always a sweet gesture to include a cute "ask" such as a ring pop or another item the child may enjoy.

Wait it out.

As long as the parents are given proper notice, don't ask the little ones until a few months before the wedding. Over a year is a long time to wait if you're five!

Photo by Lacie Hansen Photography; Planning & Design by Bob Gail Events; From Real Wedding: An Old Hollywood-Inspired Fall Wedding in Beverly Hills

Send them a book.

There are children's books that explain the role of a ring bearer or flower girl, which acts both as a gift and as a way for the child to understand what they are being asked.

Don't worry about toddlers.

If they are younger than three, you really don't need to say anything. Consider waiting until closer to the wedding to let them know, so they have a higher chance of understanding what the role means one way or another.

Make it special.

A little gift box or card will make the wedding day more fun, plus it's a tangible reminder. For flower girls on petal patrol, you may want to offer the basket as a keepsake or give them a fun flower crown or flower-girl necklace to wear. For ring bearers, a gift is also a lovely choice that will be appreciated.

Photo by Callaway Gable; Planning & Design by Alyson Fox, Levine Fox Events; From Real Wedding: Luxury Desert Wedding at Groom's Family Vacation Home in La Quinta, California

Include them.

Especially if the flower girl or ring bearer is old enough to understand the meaning of the celebration, it's a nice gesture to invite them to get ready with the bridesmaids or groomsmen and even have their hair and makeup done with the group. If they're not old enough to spend time with the wedding party, consider having a special part of the day dedicated to them – even if it just takes a few minutes of your time.

For more inspiration, discover unique tasks for your flower girl and ring bearer, find out how to choose their outfits, and see photos of brides with their flower girls to get ideas for your own wedding album.